Woman of Faith

From the time I was a young girl, "God" has been a part of my life.

At first, God was a Sunday morning routine that included Tom & Jerry, my prettiest dresses, and the unavoidable, most-boring-ever "time on the pew" where us kids were expected to sit still and be quiet.  My two older brothers and I got into more trouble at church than anywhere else.  Of course, getting into trouble at church meant a long, quiet ride home in the car in the hopes our earlier transgressions would be forgotten.  In most cases, they were not, but in the few instances when they were or when we were at least "forgiven" without a round with the belt, I remember thanking God for sparing us.

It was also at this time in my childhood when the "big" dreams began.  I shared a room with my younger brother and during that time whilst sleeping in the bunk beds, I would have dreamy sensations of something so big, it frightened me.  At first I feared it, but nothing I did would make it stop coming to me as I fell asleep each night.  After some time, though, the sensation became familiar and comforting. It was as if it would surround me and completely fill the void of the room, encompassing me within itself.

Once the sensation became familiar, it no longer came every night. I remember as a young child trying to make it come, but it just didn't work that way. It came only when it wanted, seeping into my mind and then outward with no end. As time passed, the occurrences happened less and less until they eventually stopped.

Finally, one day at church, something the preacher said caught my heart.  To this day, I do not remember his words, but I clearly remember the feeling that unexpectedly sprang from my heart.  I tried my best to hide it, but by the end of the service, I could hide no more. In our church, at the end of every service, the preacher would always call out for those wanting Christ to come into their lives to step forward and "come to Jesus." On that day, risking the wrath of my parents, I stepped from the pew and walked into the arms of my preacher and my God.

My preacher wasn't quite sure what to do with me and he handed me off to another elder in the church who knew me and my family.  I remember he and I talked alone after services where he tried to explain what God was.  What I recall of that conversation is his taking off his wedding ring and saying, "God is like this ring, He has no beginning and no end."  He also explained that God loved me more than anything and wanted nothing more than for me to love Him back. Seemed easy enough to me and, frankly, a better deal than the one I had going, so I prayed with him for the forgiveness of my sins and for the living waters of Christ to enter my heart and give me everlasting life in Him. I walked away not knowing what all that meant, but it did feel good.

My family eventually left the church and Sundays became another day to play, but the memories of my time there coupled with the memories of my dreams created in me a curiosity about God, one that has stayed with me throughout my life. I must admit of all the things I've wondered about in this world, God takes the cake.  Just when I'm about to write Him off as absolutely not possible, He shows up in a way that reminds me that not only is He there, He's tuned in and paying attention.

Since my childhood, many things have happened in my life that convince me God is real.  I know there are many people who disagree and choose a different path and that's fine for them, but for me, I will spend my life seeking and watching for God.  It's like the child playing hide and seek and this little girl will never grow tired of the game.