Until Death Do Us Part

I have been married three times. Today I received divorce papers in the mail, thus, I will be divorced three times, as well.

I've put much thought into my marriages over these past weeks. I've considered the state of mind I was in when I entered the relationship and later when I entered the marriage itself. I've also been reading old journals to remind me what I was thinking and feeling at these times in my life. Sometimes I love having my old journals, but sometimes the words in them and even more so, the person who wrote them, are difficult to read and embrace.

I don't really count my first marriage. I was nineteen when I married and had no idea what I was doing. The marriage lasted 15 months. Death did not do us part, my immaturity did.

I was twenty-four when I married my second husband, the father of my three children. I was pregnant when we said our "I do's." This man was one of the two great loves of my life and the early years of our marriage are remembered with great joy. Nonetheless, we divorced nearly nine years later. Death did not do us part, many other things did.

Older and more experienced, I exited that marriage feeling confident I understood what I wanted in a man and in a committed relationship. Enter husband #3. We married when I was in my mid-thirties and I thought, for sure, this one would last forever. I was wrong and am left again to consider another failure, another "death did not do us part."

There is much to consider in all three cases, especially this last one. There is even more to learn about myself, about relationships, about commitment. Even more still to consider about my future.

This time, as I walk away, I am noticing many changes. The old routines are gone and a new woman is emerging, never before known to the world. She is even unfamiliar to me, but as I take the time to know her better, I'm excited and intrigued to know more.

And one thing is for sure - she and I will be together until death do us part.