Thoughts of My Father

The sun is out today, bathing my life with warmth and sunshine. The windows and doors are open, the music is on, the chickens are free ranging and I find myself traveling down memory lane with thoughts of my father.

We lost Dad more than two years ago and it still seems surreal that he won't answer an email sent to him. It's sad, really. There are things to share, experiences to reveal and new people to discuss, but none of that will occur.

My father is Frank Centofante, a world renowned knife maker who lived a quiet life pursuing simple pleasures. He could often be found in "the shop", where his magnificent creations were born, or spending time with his beloved dogs or my step-mother, his wife of more than 40 years.

Today as I read the many articles about the "late" Frank Centofante and marvel at his masterpieces, some still available for sale, I can't help but think of all that is lost with his passing. The man, the brother, the husband, the father, the artisan, the Catholic, the hall of famer, the writer, the grandfather, the great grandfather - they live only now in the memories of those he touched with his love, his craft, his life.

I miss you, Pop... even more today.

- Krissy

A Political Turn

The original Off Topic blog was very politically oriented due to my involvement in the 2008 Presidential campaign and my following of the financial crisis of 2008. Unfortunately, that content is lost and I've avoided politics as a topic on my surviving blogs... until today.

It is important for Americans to understand that the political process in our country has been hijacked and until the average American wakes up and bands together, the crap will continue. I don't agree with everything the "Occupy Wall Street" movement stands for, but I do believe this movement is founded in truth and in the hearts of the average American and I hope with all hope it succeeds in forging hope and change.

This video from the Occupy LA Movement "Teach In" with Bill Black is fantastic. Listen to the entire video - it's 15 minutes and worth every second of your time. 

Educate yourself, America, and get involved. Without YOU, our nation will never get back on track!

Time for Pie

I am not a glamorous cook. Nonetheless, I enjoy cooking for the holidays, especially Thanksgiving.

However, with everything that's happened recently, I had decided not to cook today, but yesterday at the last minute, I changed my mind and headed to the store for the few items I would need for what will be the smallest holiday meal I've ever produced: dinner for two for my son and I.

By far, my favorite holiday item to whip up is pie! I'll add that my son's favorite holiday item to consume is also pie. Sure, the turkey and stuffing and mashed potatoes with gravy are delicious, but the peak of the day is without a doubt my favorite pie filling baked perfectly within a light and flaky crust coupled with a cold, tall glass of milk.

It is the crust that makes the pie, by the way, in case you were wondering. Think about it - a great filling baked into a chewy and heavy crust just doesn't work. Ever seen a dessert plate with the entire crust still on the plate, but the filling has been entirely eaten? However, a mediocre filling nestled within a perfect crust... well, that just might work. Of course, the goal is to have the perfect filling baked within the perfect crust, but if you're going to skimp, skimp on the filling not the crust!

It's easy to make a crust from scratch, it just takes a little practice. My mother taught me how to make one years ago and to this day I still marvel at the ease with which she can roll one out. I have to take it slow, but the result is just as good - a light, flaky and crisp crust every time. Okay, maybe not every time.

Depending on who you talk to will determine the exact "secret" to the perfect crust. I have mine and I'm sure you have yours. Send me a note if you want to compare!

In the meantime, I'm putting together the traditional dishes for our family and we'll top it all off later with the perfect pie. I hope your day has something perfect in it, too!

Rolled out

Ready for finishing touches

Filling, please!

Pumpkin pie is on the menu today, but my favorite is Pecan!

Time for baking.. one of these days I will clean my oven!

Maybe we should eat dessert first?

The unglamorous cook

Freezing In NorCal

I really hope my next home has central heat!

The weather has turned cold and foggy with rain and the result is my house has become an iceberg. It has electric, radiant heat in the ceilings, most of which are very high, that costs me an arm and a leg to run. Rather than mortgage my future to PG&E, I mostly use the wood stove to provide warmth, but in the mornings it can take a while to get the stove going again. While I wait bundled in my warmest clothes, freezing my ass off, I can't help but dream of warmer days back in Florida.

I was born and raised in the Sunshine State and didn't encounter northern California until the fall of 2004 when a whirlwind job relocation whizzed me across the country to this place. That winter was particularly cold and rainy and I remember thinking I'd made a terrible mistake in moving. Sitting in front of the stove this morning, I find myself wondering the same thing.

I have come to love California, though, particularly the quirkiness of Santa Cruz, even with the cold and damp. The mountains where I live are particularly beautiful, graced with majestic redwoods that silently stand over my existence. Culture and diversity abound where I live and I find myself feeling more at home here as an individual than anywhere else. Even still, spending winter or at least part of it in a tropical location sounds inviting, doesn't it?

For now, I'll brace for winter in my layered clothing while clutching my coffee cup with one frozen hand and perusing craigslist for potential new homes with the other. Hopefully the one I end up in will have central heat!

Give Thanks

Yesterday as part of my church's worship services, I had the privilege of singing harmony on a song entitled "Give Thanks." Not every song I sing touches my heart, but yesterday this one did.

It would be easy for me to be "disgruntled" at the moment given all the challenges I'm faced with, but yesterday as I sang, countless blessings that fill my life came to mind. I decided to take some time here on the blog to reflect on the ones that matter most to me:

1. My Faith and Love for God. I don't know where I'd be without this and the relationship I share with the God I worship and adore. Even in my darkest moments, He is with me. I have been abandoned by many, but I know He will always be there for me. The peace that comes with this knowing is the real treasure of my life.

2. My Children. I am mother to three and with no doubt I can say becoming a mother has been the greatest experience of my life. From loving a man enough to carry his child, the amazing body transformation of pregnancy, the closeness of a helpless infant at your breast, the wonder of watching a child become an adult... how can one say "no" to experiences such as these? The love that came with each child has filled my life and even with the hardships that came along with the joy, I wouldn't change a thing...

3. My Health. I am a very healthy woman. I know at any moment this can change so I try very hard not to take my health for granted, though at the moment I will admit to having an occasional bad habit that I'm trying to set aside. I'm also working hard to get my weight back to a healthy level... read more about that at my Woman vs. Fat blog.

4. My Music. If I'm feeling blue, I put on some great music to cheer me up. If I'm writing a love poem, I put on music that stirs my emotions. Music is such a big part of my life and colors my world with vibrant and beautiful sounds. I'd be lost without it and I'm so grateful my mother made it a point to bring music into my life as a young girl.

5. My Friends and Family. Yesterday at church, I had the opportunity to console a grieving choir member who had just lost a beloved pet. After service, another choir member comforted me when I found myself unable to hold back tears of sadness. My world is filled with kind souls and each of them, whether family or friend, is a gem stone I cherish.

There are many other things to be thankful for - a roof over my head, a car that runs, plenty of food in my pantry and sufficient money to get along each day. Given there are so many in this world with so little, it is important to me to acknowledge just how much I truly have. I hope you will do the same.

Rehearsing "Give Thanks"

Happy Thanksgiving.

Kristin

Virtuous Patience

If patience is a virtue, then I'm the most virtuous woman I know as it seems I am waiting for everything these days. Waiting for a job. Waiting to find out about my house. Waiting for my next interview. Waiting for an email response. Waiting for a phone call. Waiting, waiting, waiting.

This reminds me of a time a couple years ago when I was also waiting for events to happen and it was torture! At that time, I did a quick calligraph of the word "patience" that I placed on a bookshelf to remind me that my focus was patience in every day. Seeing that reminder each day helped me through that time.

The time for patience has come again and I admit, it's easier this time around, but even so, I do find myself wringing my hands from time to time. Maybe it's time to do yet another calligraph of "patience."  =)

Staying busy helps me when I'm waiting for something and I have many things that I can occupy my time with, but always in the back of my mind is the waiting and the need for patience. Are you like this? Is there something you can do that completely takes your mind away? I struggle with this as the thoughts in my mind are hard to turn off or even turn down.

Making art holds my best chance for truly escaping my thoughts, even if only for a few minutes at a time. With a watercolor brush in my hand, the world can literally stand still and the worries of the day are washed away with each stroke. I definitely need to get my hands on my paints!

It certainly is not easy for me to be patient, but I know this is what is required of me right now and I'm willing to hold up my end of the bargain as I walk this new path.

Galatians 5:22   But the fruits of The Spirit are love, joy, peace, patience, sweetness, goodness, faith

My Other Blogs

Hope you have a great weekend planned for yourself.

Please do visit my other blogs, Kreative Kristin and Woman vs. Fat. If I don't have a new post here on Off Topic, you can usually find a new posting on one of my other blogs. Every once in a while, when the planets and moon align just right, there is new content on all three! Do stay tuned.

Finally, I love hearing from you. Thanks for the emails and comments!

Happy Saturday...

K

The Symphony

Today I purchased myself a ticket to this Saturday's Santa Cruz Symphony performance, "Three's Company." I love getting dressed up and going out to listen to great music and, frankly, I can't remember the last time I did that. With that thought in mind and the Good Times in hand, I called the Civic Center box office and purchased a great seat for myself. I'm already planning my outfit! =)

As a musician myself, I know the work that goes into preparing for a performance. I have fond memories from when I played in my high school's symphonic band. Our band was one of the best in the state of Florida and there was nothing like the night of a performance or, even more petrifying, the day of a contest. I get goose bumps thinking about it. Of course, I'll be relaxing in the audience this Saturday, enjoying the music and the stirrings that will inevitably come from my heart.  Can't wait!

What are you going to do this weekend?

A New Normal

I don't like to use the word "normal" because, frankly, normal is so subjective; what is normal to one can be completely foreign to another. If we waste time wondering about the "normalcy" of others, constantly comparing our "normal" to theirs, what good does that actually do us? Let's just all assume for the moment that we'll each experience "normal" as individualistically as we are individuals.

I like thinking of normal this way because it gives me the freedom to define my own normal and if you've been reading me lately, you know I'm doing a lot of that these days.

At the moment, I find myself living in a world of opposites where what once was normal is no longer and what is becoming normal is completely foreign. It's like being on Mr. Toad's Wild Ride - you never know what's coming from around the next corner!

Adding to the challenge of finding a new normal for myself is the fact I'm currently not working and have an enormous amount of free time. This can be both good and bad. Good in that I have much freedom to do whatever I want. Bad in that I have much freedom to do whatever I want. This leads me back to my poem, Choices, and how important my choices are not only in this moment, but in every moment.

What will be next? Who and what will cross my path now? It is intriguing to consider the many possibilities and I am filled with curiosity to experience the newness of each day and with it, defining my new normal.

Until Death Do Us Part

I have been married three times. Today I received divorce papers in the mail, thus, I will be divorced three times, as well.

I've put much thought into my marriages over these past weeks. I've considered the state of mind I was in when I entered the relationship and later when I entered the marriage itself. I've also been reading old journals to remind me what I was thinking and feeling at these times in my life. Sometimes I love having my old journals, but sometimes the words in them and even more so, the person who wrote them, are difficult to read and embrace.

I don't really count my first marriage. I was nineteen when I married and had no idea what I was doing. The marriage lasted 15 months. Death did not do us part, my immaturity did.

I was twenty-four when I married my second husband, the father of my three children. I was pregnant when we said our "I do's." This man was one of the two great loves of my life and the early years of our marriage are remembered with great joy. Nonetheless, we divorced nearly nine years later. Death did not do us part, many other things did.

Older and more experienced, I exited that marriage feeling confident I understood what I wanted in a man and in a committed relationship. Enter husband #3. We married when I was in my mid-thirties and I thought, for sure, this one would last forever. I was wrong and am left again to consider another failure, another "death did not do us part."

There is much to consider in all three cases, especially this last one. There is even more to learn about myself, about relationships, about commitment. Even more still to consider about my future.

This time, as I walk away, I am noticing many changes. The old routines are gone and a new woman is emerging, never before known to the world. She is even unfamiliar to me, but as I take the time to know her better, I'm excited and intrigued to know more.

And one thing is for sure - she and I will be together until death do us part.

A New Path

Today is the beginning of a new month and will mark the beginning of a new path for my life.

Sometimes life offers us choices on which path to walk, but often the path we are given is not by choice, but by some other circumstance out of our control. With that, the path can be difficult, unwanted and seemingly impossible to traverse. It is in these moments that we must make a choice within ourselves that has nothing to do with the path and everything to do with the walk.

When I think about walking an unwanted path, I think of one scripture in Luke where Jesus is praying just prior to his arrest in the garden:

Luke 22:42 NLT   "Father, if you are willing, please take this cup of suffering away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine."

I have written about this scripture before and spoken of it many times. Today, again, this scripture speaks to me about my life and my current circumstances.

Jesus, of course, continued with the Father's plan - he walked the difficult path to the cross where, as an innocent man, he was crucified. Some of his last words were "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."

I can only hope for Grace such as this to guide me with my walk now. The path is difficult and unwanted and very unexpected, but I will try to take each step with poise and grace remembering that how I walk this path is just as important as the path itself.